Jul 21, 2011

This post is in response to a reader's comment asking about finding love, how I knew Jesse was the one and how to attract the best man possible.

Finding love the right way - Part 1:

Finding love seems to be so easy for some and much more difficult for others. There has been a handful of times where I have asked myself the question "will I ever find that one?" This was said after my first marriage which started young [I got married the first time at 20] and lasted only 5 years. I knew I shouldn't have gotten married, even on the day of. The most commonly denied red flag in regards to relationships is the one that was waving sooo gallantly on the day of the marriage. I ignored it for so many reasons that I thought I could overcome just by getting older or by officially living together would make all the relationship muck going away.

After my divorce I really started to think a lot about how I even ended up marrying my ex-husband.  I remember in one of our many fights after me telling the ex that I was leaving, he saying that I was going to repeat a lot of my same behavior in every relationship after ours. It freaked me out.  Me and my ex's husband was very bi-polar. Bi polar because the communication between us was extremely frustrating. He being born and raised in Japan and the both of us look at issues and seeing them completely different... many times because of the cultural differences by just being raised in two different countries and two extremely different types of families.  The ex was a pretty selfish husband and was always entitled to many things. I think this was because he was deemed as the "golden child" in his family, by being the oldest son and being the most academic. He has an older sister and younger brother to whom I adore and were sooo sweet and kind to me every time we visited Japan. This included his parents as well who did everything in their power to make sure my stay was always comfortable. I couldn't understand how such loving parents and siblings could produce a child who was constantly so self serving.  At the same time, I kept wondering what it was about me that attracted me to this guy in the first place and how I missed some red flags and ignored many others.

Going into our second year of marriage, PBS had come out with a new show called Frontier House. My brother Paul [who was living with my ex and I for awhile] watched this new show every single week. We were hooked! It is to this day my very favorite tv shows. It is about 3 real families who move to Montana and live as if it was the mid 1800's. That is all I will say. You just have to buy this season! I cried a lot when watching this show. My reason for crying was because of Nate Brooks, and his dad and brother. They were the best examples of what a real man is. All three of these men were best friends with each other and the most compassionate and endearing men you may ever see on tv. How Nate treated his wife on the show will melt your heart, and how he treats his neighbors too. I remember thinking every time I would watch this show how I wish I could be married to someone like Nate and that my ex would never in a million years do the things he does. Example: I was sooo sick with my period one morning...sitting on the toilet crying from all the pain [my periods will often feel like the flu] there was no medicine in our apt. and I had asked if my ex could run to the deli to get some for me. He said no and that I needed to be prepared for things like this. No, we had not gotten in a fight and he was trying to get back at me...that was just him. I always had to be prepared for things like that.... that is just one of the many hundreds of stories I have like that. : /  anyways.... back to Nate Brooks. I was in love. I was in love with that type of man.

I actually have to go to work now and then when I get home I am off to the mountains to go camping for the weekend. I will be back on Saturday with TONS more to talk about. See I thought I could do an easy quick post on this reader's comment of mine. But the more I kept thinking about everything I had to say I realized that this will have to be broken up into parts. So I wanted to start everyone off with what truly helped me start the journey that led me to Jesse, and that was Frontier House. If you have $20 - buy it on Amazon...or watch as many of the clips on youtube as possible. Just so you can at least understand what I am talking about when I refer to the Brooks men later on.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Nate and his wife.

The three families


Laura Lee said...

Roxy, I am sitting here at work on the verge of tears because I just watched someone shoot his pig on Frontier House.


ROXY MARJ said...

BAH! Laura I am soooo sorry. :( I guess I failed to mention that they REALLY live as if it were the mid 1800's. THEE ONLY modern thing they allow these families to do is to have feminine products for the ladies. xo

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