Aug 21, 2014




A long winded explanation as to why I am closing my shop - 
I warn you, there are probably 20+ run on sentences, lots of exclamations points  
 and a paragraph or two where I get on my soapbox...proceed with caution. ;-p 
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A couple weeks back Jesse [my husband, for those of you who don't know who he is] and myself received some information from our church regarding our adoption process. Since January we had been gathering paper work, taking classes, filling out questionnaires, all for the hopes of being able to adopt. 

The last big step before putting yourself out there is to have a home inspection.  A month ago when it was finally time for our home inspection we got called into our church's family services offices and were told the sad news that they wouldn't be able to help place us with a baby due to my student debt being so high, and the debt to income ratio worried them. Needless to say, both Jesse and I were shocked, devastated and surprised. Surprised because I had been making my $1,200 + payments every month for two years straight and that didn't show for anything?

For the past 2 years we have been trying to get pregnant. Jesse is 30 and I am 33...  Many friends close to me have asked in the two years if I have seen an infertility specialist, and the answer is no...not yet, I will be now though. I'm sure many of you have thought me not going to see a specialist is the stupidest thing ever. However, if you were in my shoes maybe you would understand where I am coming from... having student debt of $204,000 [that does not included a masters] hanging over your head every day is pretty depressing.. especially since right now, all my payments do is pay off interest... even more depressing...and so... the last thing I want to do is accrue any more debt. Would you??

For me..the thought of going to a doctor and trying to figure out what is wrong with my body just brings up dollar signs. It's the fear of the unknown...BUT that unknown could be something as simple as getting on chlomid and getting pregnant swiftly... or it could be the other case and having tons of tests/procedures etc.  For this reason, that is why Jesse and I chose to look into adoption through our church. They have a flat fee of 10% of your income which caps at 10K but a minimum payment of 4k. And if you do your homework and research, you can end up getting a lot of that money back from taxes. So it was a win win situation for us... Our "plan" was to try to adopt, hopefully get placed with a baby and then save a bunch of money to look into infertility. So much for planning... you know that quote by John Lennon "life happens when your busy making plans"....well that has sure been true for us. :-p

Now, Jesse and I could easily be annoyed at my church [we are of the L.D.S. faith]  for not helping us with our situation...but the weird part about all of this is, that since getting denied this opportunity [for now] it has actually brought us even closer. :] So, Jesse decided to take a couple days off work so we could process everything together and figure out our next step towards starting a family.  
Seeing an infertility specialist is something that we are now ready to pursue - there will be a cap of how much we will spend obviously from the above mentioned... and hopefully, there's nothing wrong with me...and it will all be easily nailed.  x fingers crossed x :]

OKAY, so the reason for why I've decided to close my shop.  S T R E S S ! This is thee biggest and consistent issue I deal with. I have a retarded thyroid condition [Hashimotos] which makes it harder to get pregnant, AND i'm constantly stressed. So with having those two factors always working against me, it's no wonder that my body is having a hard time conceiving.  After the news of our adoption process being denied I just kept thinking over and over that I need to alleviate as much stress as possible.  Jesse and I then made a list of what basically brought me anxiety.  And that was simply running a business.

I am NOT a business woman. Entrepreneur, YES...but business..numbers, finances, legal stuff... it is so above and beyond me, and honestly...it's not anything that I even care or want to learn. Then there is marketing and advertising, taxes, payroll, making sure customers are happy, making sure you're not stepping on anyone's toes, managing people, managing personalities, keeping it together, trying to come up with new designs all while managing the other stuff...and this is just the tip of the ice berg. 

The last two years though I have learned a lot. When starting a business, especially if it is does well, you will learn who your true friends are, who really wants to see you succeed and who would honestly love to see you fail. That's a bold statement huh! but it is the truth... it's totally hurtful, knowing that what you're doing or creating is getting a lot of positive attention but yet so many people around you can't handle that, they look inside themselves and start to compare and feel less than...it's like  that quote "comparison is the thief of joy" and on a daily basis comparison is robbing people of feeling joy and true happiness for others successes, be it something as simple as cooking a yummy dinner, wearing a cute outfit, completing a marathon, having a nice yard, or like myself, running a successful small business. Please don't mistake what I just said for feeling sorry for myself, NOT THE CASE... I am only bringing up an issue that rarely gets addressed if at all.  Ever wonder if you're this type of person? If you're the type of person who withholds compliments or withholds inquiring because it clearly won't build you up, but instead it's going to build the other person up...and why on earth would you want to do that? Especially if that person you're withholding from receives compliments ALL THE TIME... he or she doesn't need anymore, right? hahahahaha lol wrong. It has nothing to do with the other person, it has everything to do with you, it's the truest test of what type of person you are. Are you someone who can see others succeed when you feel like nothing is happening for you..or so you think?

Yes, that was me getting on my soapbox just now, but I felt it needed to be said since for the past two years i've kept pretty quite about my observations. I've often pretended like I don't notice or it doesn't hurt my feelings...but I do notice, and I have had hurt feelings and this is something that has only added to the stress... :/

For me, closing my business means that I will be able to spend more time with those that I love, spend more time on my talents and developing new ones, as well as finally having time to pursue my dream of illustrating childrens books.  Closing my shop does not mean that I will stop designing, on the contrary! I will actually be designing more, which you will get to see through my blog if interested.  I am now pursuing companies that would be interested in licensing my designs, so perhaps in the future you will see larger brands representing some Roxy Marj designs! yay! :-[)

It is my hope that taking this new path will hopefully lead Jesse and I to starting a family much sooner, yes I will be making a lot less money but having a more peaceful/private life and laughing a hell of a lot more with those we love is priceless in my book. 

* So as a THANK YOU to all the wonderful customers and crazy amazing Roxy Marj supporters I have decided that all orders over $75 will receive a free "So Brave So Strong" tote back! From now till Dec. 31st.  Or if you would rather save your money [YEAH, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND] then you can purchase the tote for only $10. 

I will have an official goodbye/thank you blog post come December. :)

xoxo  

Roxy 




     






29 comments:

Anonymous said...

The very best of luck on your journey. You've made a really brave decision and good for you. I'd better ask for an heirloom blanket for Christmas! You are incredible. Hope it all works out for you both.

Iris Vank said...

I wish you áll the best!

Anonymous said...

You are amazing. I have followed along for a while, I don't even have kids but love your designs and overall aesthetic. You also happen to be an incredibly pleasant and kind person! I am also a hashimotos sufferer it's basically the pits. Know that there are many people rooting for you and wishing you and your fam all the best. Looking forward to following your blog!

Sara Bench said...

I never know how to comment on things without sounding weird. But I majored in art and I try to keep doing it. I have grave's disease (thyroid problems are the wooorrrst) and I really struggled to have my first baby, thanks to clomid. So your situation sounds so familiar and I really feel for you. I think you are right on with getting rid of stress and I wish you so much luck. And I love your work :)

Rachael Poklitar said...

i've been following you for so long (i'm the one that you sent the children's book to!), and it was such a surprise to read about your plans. i'm so excited to see what you have going on next! i'm obsessed with totes, so i'll be "picking one up" right away :)

*SO BRAVE*SO STRONG*
good luck!!!

r

denise said...

congratulations successful business! it has been pretty awesome seeing you grow over the years! whatever you do next will be great!! xoxoxo

denise said...

yeah if i could actually type - "congratulations on your successful business" haha

denise said...

okay im not laughing at what i said. it looks like that now. :/ i'm just going to stop here.

Rachael Poklitar said...

also, how do i even buy a tote?! :)

Lamina - do a bit said...

I have only recently discovered your awesome work! I really hope it all goes well for you! Looking forward to seeing your work licensed which I am sure it will do fantasticly! :)

Lovely Lindsay said...

Sending love as you sort through these days and months ahead. Hopefully peace comes as you make decisions and move forward in new directions. Roxy- babies soon! And yes! Get on that childrens book!

Peggy Juche said...

Good luck! You are a strong woman and I know you will make your way.
Open your eyes and stay positive... dont let anyone make you feel sad.

Lots of good things will happen for you in the future xoxo

brynne frei said...

i've been following your blog for a while now because of a mutual friend of ours, grace. i love your designs and always appreciate that you are true to yourself. sorry to hear about your news on the adoption front and hope to hear happy news after visiting a fertility specialist! xo

hallo montag said...

so brave so strong = you

All the best to you and your husband from Germany!
Hannah

Jaime Van Hoose Steele said...

I feel ya with not being able to get preggo! Scott & I did infertility treatments to get Ollie. We went to the reproduction center in Sandy and it was an awesome place! I loved all the nurses! Good luck in getting a baby and good luck with your new work plan!!

Merideth said...

Roxy, I'm glad to hear that you will keep up with the blog even if you have to close down the business/shop side for now... it is always such wonderful inspiration. I wish you the best of luck with the fertility specialist... I don't know you personally but I understand the yearning for a family and have a sister that struggled with a similar issue. I will keep you and Jesse in my thoughts as the two of you pursue your desire for a little one in your lives.

Linsey said...

Roxy, I'm so sorry to hear about your health/fertility/adoption struggles. You are a creative inspiration to me—and your delightful and fun perspective on life has been an inspiration to me as a mom. (You are going to be a fantastic one!) I wish I'd known you better when you lived here in BK. Can't wait to see what new, hopefully less stressful, ideas you cook up. Sending all the good energies your way. xoxo

olivia said...

Very, very best wishes as you embark bravely on new ventures. Thanks for making me feel like your friend along with loads of other strangers! I so admire the way you interpret the world and how it comes out in your designs. It is simply unmatched!

nzfan said...

So sad to hear your shop has closed! You have recently had your bear rug featured in one of the best home design magazines in new Zealand ( homestyle) and we were scrambling to buy it via the link published. We love your style here! However I understand the stresses of a small business so I wish you the best of luck in starting a family. Hope you see your name pop up again in the future.

Egan Metcalf said...

Roxy! You amaze and inspire me! Can't wait to see all the awesome things you do next! I hope you have lots of bliss and carefree days ahead. I know it will be a positive impact no matter what happens! hugs!

kim @ DLK said...

I think what you're doing is amazing. It takes a lot of guts to put it out there and to make a big change like this. But I'm sure your success will only rise and your story will continue positively.

xoxo

Shoko said...

Wishing you all the best, Roxy! You deserve it. Sending you lots of love.

Michelle Schneider said...

Your story is truly touching! I'm sad to see your amazing shop close, but also excited for your bright future in licensing!! You're so talented, but yes, running a small business is very stressful. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time! I'll be praying for babies in your future. :)

kellyhicks said...

Awww! I'm sad to hear you're closing shop but I'm glad you will continue to create! Never stop :)

I first heard you on the Dave Ramsey show and looked you up! I've been following ever since. Thanks for your honesty and rawness. I too struggled with infertility and didn't see a specialist for 3 years. Long story short, I now have 2 boys! There's so much hope and so much they can do so keep your head up.

I wish we could be friends in real life because we have much in common. I went to design school and have done freelance on top of my regular design job for 8. I've always considered opening my own shop so it's interesting to hear your perspective. Anyway this is way too long... just know you have people in your corner and I will be on the look out in stores for your stuff!! Xoxo

irfan a.r said...

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Oni said...

looking forward to buying some orignal roxy marj because they will soon become collectors items! i absolutely get where you're coming from about not wanting work to totally take over your life or neglect yourself and your health. I have struggled with this myself and becoming a new young mom has really amplified it. I am excited to follow your new journey.

Anonymous said...

wishing you the best of luck.

BE. LU said...

Wow! So glad you never closed your shop!!!

Ok so:
1) I'm a new mom with night time feeding a so I have time to be a weirdo and read a few old entries.. Ha.
2) have you ever read Women's bodies women's wisdom? Or maybe it's vise versa.. Anyways. It has a lot of really interesting things to say about fertility and our bodies and how everything works together or against us and how our mentality really plays in to effect. It's by a doctor Christine Northrup. It's the women's bible. It's amazing. I buy one for all my girlfriends.
3) this blog post is old I realize but don't give up on dreams. Miracles are real. We tried for YEARS to get pregnant and it happened when we finally surrendered to the fact that we might not have kids we were going to go to a specialist right before we found out I was pregnant. I had another girlfriend whose husband was told that they would never have kids and while that doctor was saying that she was already 4 weeks pregnant! I'm sure you've heard a million of these stories but don't give up on your dreams (but dreams do change and that's awesome too!)

BE. LU said...

Better known as @123fromage ☺️

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